Taylor Swift: Is she a skier or a snowboarder?
There once was a Taylor named Swifty
Whose romance was claimed to be shifty,
Yet the Super Bowl game
Will be played without blame
While MAGA cult kooks get all misty.
The majority of ignorance in today’s national discourse can be attributed to many Americans sadly assuming every issue must fall into two competing and mutually exclusive outcomes.
Jeez, I wonder where that came from.
Yeah, of course, we want to believe the Swift/Kelce “issue” is just hogwash hype made up by media types to get clicks or keep our eyes on the screen, but five minutes investigating any conservative channel or site this week begs to differ.
Sadly, I somehow feel dumber from even doing such research, but maybe sending a tweet to Elmo will make me feel better.
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Anyway, the absurdity of it all makes me want to ask MAGA cult members where on the doll Taylor Swift hurt them. Seriously, these are grown adults, actually angry and visibly upset, that the head cheerleader is dating a star football player, and he’s not even the quarterback.
And somehow it’s all a President Biden conspiracy theory to win over a political endorsement from the world’s current biggest entertainer, which will result in millions of votes next November from the majority of her prepubescent fans?
Perhaps in Kentucky or Tennessee, I suppose, but most 12-year-olds can’t vote that I’m aware of.
There once was a Swift named Taylor
Whose romance became a retailer,
Of tickets and jerseys
And Fox News conspiracies unworthy,
While a demented ex-prez prepares for his jailer.
But perhaps the interwebs are correct, and it’s all a brilliant plan for votes and a Chiefs win cemented in fate for years.
To wit: Being born on Dec. 13, obviously Swift’s lucky number is a baker’s dozen, ergo it’s Super Bowl 58 (5+8), game day is Feb. 11 (2+11), The 49ers (4+9) were the No. 1 NFC seed, the Chiefs No. 3 in the AFC, this will be the 13th Chiefs game that Swift has attended, and it will take her approximately 13 hours to fly nonstop to Las Vegas to make kickoff from a concert in Tokyo.
I mean, what else do you need? Betting lines are open — call now!
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As to the query in the headline, one must consider the precedents set by such authoritative artists as Kid Rock and Ted Nugent, and their respective stances on using one board or two when traversing the slopes of Vail or Beaver Creek.
Now that I think about it though, after internally debating for hours which of the aforementioned celebrities I wish to emulate on the slopes, I have reached the ultimate conclusion for their potential influence on my future decision-making process, and have decided I don’t really give a damn what any of them think, do, or say, and will make my own stupid decisions.
Just like all of you should.
Richard Carnes, of Avon, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.